Burning bridges

I have never understood what turning tables meants. I probably never will. What I do understand is the pain on the flesh. In the flesh. Beneath the flesh. When you hear people saying nobody loves them, or that they would love to find somebody who appreciates them and makes them happy, go away. It is mere bull. You see, what people really want is for others to treat them like they want to be treated (yeah, the second part of bull). Or perhaps the way they believe they should be treated; as if they thought they do not deserve to have someone who loves them and cherish them.

Been there, done that

It is not that hard to figure it out. Just look in front of your eyes how when you let the other know how much you love them, they just take you for granted, or start behaving like they are doing you a favor for being with them. What is worse, many people fall for those cheap, stupid tricks. Seriously? I mean, I, myself, have been there (even recently), but I also know that when I open up my eyes again, I rush out. Of course, I always want to believe people change (because they can), but they just do not want to. "I was born this way", "I am like that, and there is nothing I can do to change it". YEAH RIGHT. We are so changeable, it is scary. Even our body changes. Every seven years, your whole body is different. Literally. Cells die, and new ones replace the old ones. so if you think you do not change, that is a big fat lie. In fact, not changing is impossible. We certainly can remain the same crappy attitude, the same longing for being miserable, the same looking at things so negatively. However, they can be changed. Change is possible as long as you do it for yourself, and this is important since changing for others is just deceiving yourself.

All those neighborhoods we used to live in, they all belong to the past. If you do not want to visit them again, you need to move forward. Just watching from the distance over and over again just draws you closer to misery. Or at least that is what I think. Above all, be aware of what you do. I guess this way you can get to the place you want to (or something like that).
Anywho.

Hoy lo ví.

Hoy lo ví. ¿Se dió cuenta de cómo lo miraba?
Qué raro es saber que a pesar de que ya ha pasado un tiempo, todavía siento exactamente lo mismo que el día ese en que me dejó sólo, llorando, mirando desde un puente como se iba para siempre. Lo peor es que todavía quiero llorar y gritar. Cuánto lo amo, ¿Sabía? Yo nunca lo dije en vano. De verdad lo sentía, lo siento.
Lo siento. Lamentable, ¿No?
Pensar que a veces sigo con usted en mi mente. Y cuando parece que empiezo a olvidarlo, ahi aparece usted. Qué injusto.
Who is the selfish here? Ah?
Why don't you just answer that bloody question once and for all?
Pero nada. Yo seguiré pensando que usted es al único que quiero mientras usted se revuelca por ahi en camas ajenas, robando alientos ajenos que no le pertenecen.
Que mal ¿no?

Sunday. Octobre 17

There is not enough space.
There is not enough love for the others.
Too much self-centeredness.
Quite a few gifts.
Anyway.

Brand New Day

Blessings from high above. Yeah, right.
Easy come, easy go. For what is worth, most writings, at least mine, have a code the writer uses, for people not to exactly get what is being expressed by the author (as if anybody were reading this). Today is quite an odd day, but if I start thinking, all these days have been pretty much different from what my usual rutine is (or was). I woke up at 8.45 and went to the gym, spend a couple of hours and talked to a very very interesting person I'd love to get to know much more. Afterwards, I came home, and after doing nothin on the pc for some minutes, I took a nap. I woke up, and honestly, do not remember what I dreamt about. Then (and here comes the coded part), what had begun some months ago as a fooling around became kinda real. The heart broke a bit, though it was kind of cool, and old memories of hurting times came along. The most hated words were remembered and blue covered everything. Red took over, though. And it was suddenly.
Anyway, the rest of the day just passed as any other saturday, I saw some good friends who have been so precious, and I had a great night time.

I am.

I am the kind of boy who just closes their eyes and leaps.
Dangerous! of course, and most of the times it is not worth it!
However, I'm sure following my at-times-damaged instinct will pay off.
Some people do not understand why my childish ways are so repetitive in me, but it is just the way I am. I don't wanna change that. I believe in love, and maybe I'm too much of a delusional guy, but I really think a happily ever after is possible. Of course, my concept of "happily ever after" is quite different from what people conceive on their minds. I truly believe in "building" in a team. Commitment, decisions, and those elements which stick two people together cannot be missing in a relationship (i guess). For what it is worth, I do not know anything, nor anybody!!!!!!! :P

Broken hearted

The thingy here is that that sounds like a cliché, and I hate it, but it is so true.
I just put my heart and my life on my hands, I offer them to him, he just walks away.
How unfair, right?
I thought he was the one, the perfect one. I thought he was perfect.
Piece of news! HE AIN'T. Cuz he doesn't love me.
What to do when you can't accept he is not a part of your life, he won't share nothing with you.
What to do with the anger that grows on your heart, when you get angry at him, angry at you, angry at everyone.
What to do when you want something so badly with all your heart you could even negociate your gifts just to be with him forever.
What to do when you are just depressed, don't want anything, don't want to want anything different.
What to do when the acceptance time comes, and you just don't want to accept things.

How to see things from his point of view. "he just doesn't feel it".
Really? how does that work?
I wish there were answers, and even better, solutions cuz I just want to vanish. Dig a hole, sth, you see.
No matter what real things are, no matter how well he explained how it couldn't be possible, the only image on my mind is him. Him walking away from me. Him telling me, I don't want your heart, I won't share my life with you, I just wanna be your friend, the one you'll always love and desire, but also the one whom you'll never get. Right?
Not right. Not at all.

What to do when things go wrong, which means, what to do everyday?
How to forget when it is not an option.
Where to look when I don't want to open my eyes.
Whom to talk to when nobody notices how miserable you feel.
Of course, no one does. Right?
anywho.

Poker Face